Nevermind.
A few weeks ago, I had this sinking feeling/this panicky searching–I couldn’t find any photos with Joannie. Suddenly that became the most frightful tragic thing ever. Nevermind the tremendous loss of a good friend. Nevermind the senseless sudden reminder of our mortality and how little we really know or control in our lives.

No, it was all about finding a damn photo with Joannie.

This morning I stumbled across one. I feel a little better. But now all the neverminds are crashing back down on me.
…

In the last few months to years, I’ve been thinking more about death and what it all means. As can be expected, I have less and less answers the more I think about it.

First, I became attached to the idea that our bodies are what is real, and that’s what immortality is about: We live, we die, we become fertilizer, we become part of the dirt and water, plants absorb us, plants aspirate us and are eaten, we become part of the animals that eat and breathe us. We become waste (CO2 and poop). We continue circling around, until every squirrel is as much our ancestors as we are.

Now, I’m back to thinking about the passenger idea. We’re here a short while in our bodies. Impermanent. Temporary. Anti-attachment kinda BS. Not sure I get this. I mean if we are passengers, what are we? Wraiths? Spirits? Souls?

Too namby-pamby hippy-dippy for me. I much prefer the circle of poop.

But to be honest, none of it really makes any sense. Guess our monkey minds aren’t set up for this level of computation.

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[backfill from: ewee.posterous.com/nevermind, as I move away from posterous…and originally posted on flickr]

Uploaded by ewee on 10 Sep 10, 11.09AM PST.